Tax Paying for Dummies
by batman100
Summary: Cyclops, Jean, and Colossus agree to take on their hardest challenge...Paying the taxes. It's gonna be a LONG night...


**Tax Paying for Dummies**

"So, who are you rooting for on Super Bowl Sunday?" Kurt asked the X-Gang as they were crowded in the TV area. Scott was at the post office, running an important errant under Madame Hydra's order.

"You have to ask; my money's on the Ravens" Remy replied smoothly as Rogue grunted

"Pssh. Who cares about the dang Ravens? The Colts are gonna clip those featherbrains' wings, for **sure**" Rogue teased

"Peter, how about you?" Jean asked, challenging Rogue's opinion

"Um…Ravens" Peter honestly answered. Rogue just rolled her eyes as Jean patted Peter on the head in approval

"Here comes Scott" Bobby piped up, as Scott's X-Car drove into the garage

"All I can care, is that this had **better** be good" Logan snarled, opening the door slowly…only for Scott to burst in, shoving the door into Logan's face with his elbow! "Watch where you're going, idiot!"

"The bills are here" Scott called out, bringing in a bulging pile of tax bills and payment letters

"Oh great. Just on the week before the big football game, **now** they bring in the IRS! What's next, an eviction notice?!" Logan grumbled, swigging his beer

"Remind me to ask if there's a tax for overuse of alcohol" Kurt muttered

"I heard that wise guy" Logan snapped as Jean pulled them apart

"Can't we at **least** hire an accountant this time? It doesn't cost that much!" Remy whined

"Yeah, that'd be great. Hey, I got an even better idea: We'll let the **accountant** live in our house, and maybe fight stupid mutants, and wear spandex…while **we** sit in the alley!" Logan grouched

"Ok, that was a stupid idea" Remy heaved, as Scott shook his head "I just don't think all this senseless squabbling is getting us **any**where" Scott said as Logan paced on the floor

"Where have you **been**?" Logan asked sarcastically as Scott came up with a drastic-but clever idea

"I got it! **I'll** do the accounting!" Scott announced as Logan and the X-Men stared at him like he was crazy or just plain nuts "What?"

"Let me get this straight: **You**…paying **our** taxes…with **your** own use of money?" Logan asked surprisingly as Scott proudly nodded. Logan's face fell blank and with a grim, sarcastic look replied "We're screwed"

"Not necessarily, Logan" Jean moaned as Logan started to get his usual debate look

"Jean; honestly we are **not** letting Mr. King of Insane Ideas handle our paychecks! And if it does happen; then let me say our money, and probably our whole **HOUSE** is up in smoke! And nobody wants that!" Logan spat out

"Hopefully, it doesn't get **that** too far. It's not really **that** hard; we just use the calculator to add our bills; then we sort 'em and we fold 'em. It's easy as that" Jean explained as Logan continued to ignore her

"I'm serious, this is a **huge** mistake you're making. And that goes **double** for you" Logan grunted, directing a claw to Scott, looking very confident

"How much?" Scott finally asked as Logan stared back, eyes wide "W-what'd you say, boy?" Logan stammered

"How much if I actually **succeed** in paying the bills?" Scott repeated, having that familiar heroic look on his face as Logan stared him down

"All right, tough guy. A hundred-and-six trillion per month, no interest" Logan grumbled as he and Scott shook hands on the agreement

"I'll help him" Jean piped up, standing by Scott

"I will do whatever is necessary to help my brother, whatever the odds may be" Peter chimed in, proudly standing next to both of them

"So be it. Scott, Jean, and Peter will handle our financial problems" Kurt spoke as the X-Gang nodded in agreement

"But Scott…there can be not one, not even one **teeny-tiny** screw-up. And if there even is as **such**…then consider our monthly salary for these fics to go down…the **drain**." Logan eerily warned Scott before walking off in a huff before turning and saying "Good luck…you'll **need** it"

Later that evening…

"Ahh, that was an excellent dinner" Peter replied, exiting the dining room with Scott and Jean, having enjoyed a delicious meal of enchiladas before belching

"Yep, yep; that was some good food. Now, let's get to work" Jean announced, as she booted up the mobile IBM machine

"Peter, you still got the tax forms?" Scott asked, setting up the keyboard

"Uh…tax forms?" Peter asked nervously, sweat dripping off his head

"The tax forms? Those brown-yellow papers that were on the main table in the game room this morning" Jean piped up as Scott managed to activate the IBM

"Good! We're online! The Tax Divider program is downloading! Should take at least five-fifteen minutes for it to go online" Scott piped up as a percentage rate flashed on the computer monitor

"How much RAM is it again?" Kurt asked, teleporting out of nowhere and landing on Jean

"No, no, I don't eat wild animals. I'm still recovering from my pre-Christmas feast last week" Scott muttered

"Although the crab cakes **were** delicious" Peter piped up, fondly remembering the many appetizers

"Au contraire. We both share the same foods" Scott commented before Kurt shook him silly

"Nein, nein, nein! Not the **animal** RAM, you goof! I **mean** the RAM on the IBM!" Kurt gasped, half-giggling, half-breathing

"Uh, Kurt? Have you been guzzling down my Heineken again?" Jean asked as Kurt acted strangely

"Who raided the liquor cabinets? I just put a new crate of **Heineken** right there this morning!" Logan's voice rang out in the cellar as Jean started to get frantic

"I thought you let **Jean** handle it" Rogue's voice echoed as Jean started to look nauseous

"Ok, the tax rates for this month currently show…What the?!" Scott spat, amazed at the tax percentage

"Uh…trouble with the IBM?" Peter asked worriedly as Scott scrambled through the tax rates

"No, no, no! It was right **here**! I saw it **there** when it was dinner!" Scott ranted, pointing at the armchair

"Are you **sure** you let Jean handle the Heineken?" Rogue asked as Logan's voice grew more and more impatient

"For the love of Mike, Rogue, out with it?! It's not like I let **Kurt** do it, the….Oh boy" Logan winced as Kurt's eyes went wide in shock "Oh, that little blue-furred son of a…"

"Let's get out of here!" Kurt screamed in panic

"Like **NOW**!" Jean panicked, smashing open the war cabinet, frantically loading her shotgun "To arms! To arms!" She screamed, bowling over Scott and tripping over a familiar object

"Ugh… what's gotten into her **now?** Oh I swear…ha-ha! Found it!" Scott whooped, catching the tax annual pages

"Good! Now quickly; I think I hear Logan coming!" Peter panted, as Logan's bootsteps echoed throughout the mansion

"There had **better** be some **typing** going on in here…I smell someone **goofing** off" Logan snarled, hiding a shovel behind his back

"Aagh! Type faster! **Faster**!" Peter shrieked, as Scott entered in numbers like crazy!

"IT'S USELESS! THE TAXES HAVE GONE **MAD**! IT'S THE **CRY OF THE WILD**! MONEY'S FLYING OUT OF HADES' BUTT!" Scott ranted hysterically as Logan watched the scene in utter confusion

"…Ok…I should just walk away…real smooth" Logan replied, inching out of the living room

"Best idea I heard all the damn long **day**." Rogue snorted, lighting her cigar before Logan quickly snagged it out of her hand

"…No smoking" Logan hissed, in a priceless deadpan expression, before tossing the cigar out the window and heading into the bar before an incredibly loud whoop echoed in the living room

"What in the hell's going on **now**?" Logan groaned, heading once more into the computer area…to see Scott and Peter celebrating uproariously "What in the blazes are you maniacs **DOING**?"

"Take a gander at this" Scott snickered, waving the tax payment note in Logan's face

"How in… That's **OUTRAGEOUS**! How could you wackos get the taxes done so quickly?!" Logan spat out in amazement before Jean tapped him on the shoulder

"Need I remind you Logan, that **I** for one, have a Masters and Bachelor's degree in Business and Financial Assistance, if you would just look right here" Jean replied sweetly, presenting Logan her resume and several college graduate awards

"Whoa…you **are** a working girl" Logan meekly replied as Jean gave Scott a thumbs-up of approval

"Ahem, uh Logan? Aren't you…um…*forgetting* our payment?" Scott teased, both his, Jean's and Peter's palms out and aimed at Logan

"Grrrr…Ok, ok, since you guys are at **least** geniuses" Logan heaved, getting his wallet, opening it and placing three large piles of bills in Scott's, Jean's and Peter's hands "There you go, guys. Enjoy that money; you earned it"

"Thank you" Jean replied, placing her newfound money in her purse before getting her coat on "Come on boys, let's go out and get some well-deserved KFC" as Scott and Peter did the same

"Heh. Those three there; they're made for somethin' all right" Logan replied, smiling

"Hold it; ladies first" Peter piped up, opening the door and letting Jean through first

"Thank you very much, Mr. Rasputin" Jean replied pleasantly, letting the two follow as well. Peter locked the door behind them.

"After you, sir" Jean piped up, opening the driver's door for Peter in the X-Limo

"With pleasure" Peter commented, putting on his chauffer's cap as Jean and Scott were seated in the passenger's area

"Kentucky Fried Chicken, please" Jean piped up as Peter got the limo in gear

"Excellent choice, madame; your wish is my command" Peter replied as the X-Limo drove off


End file.
